I always imagined you as my soulmate, but you were never even truly mine. I love you so much and it doesn’t even matter because what we have wasn’t real and it’s gone forever. How was I supposed to know I needed to find better if I wanted something to last when you promised me forever.?
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The fear of starting over, the fear of someone new, could never compare to the fear of being with you. Fear your out with someone else, fear you’ll leave for someone else, fear your talking to someone else, fear your flirting with someone else, fear you’ll harm me, fear you’ll harm my daughter. I fear you more than anything. I shouldn’t be afraid to start over. Who are you to me.? The boy who wasted 4 years of my life, physically hurt me, mentally damaged me, emotionally scared me, ultimately never committed, never had honesty. You always just wanted to make me look like some stupid crazy bitch. When you made me so insecure, so hurt, so distraught, made me feel like I wanted to reach out and get the truth out whatever way possible. But none of that really matters. The best thing you’ve ever done for me is leave, because we both know you would never be anything to me, you never even tried. You don’t want me you want other girls. And that’s been true since day one. It needed to end. This fake life, unhinged from reality. Denying the truth. You were never my soulmate. You just wanted to crush my soul.
None of it meant anything. How could I not see it was so fake. My heart is so broken. I am so alone. I have been so lied to. My dreams crushed. Reality sucks.
